I feel like I don’t talk about this near as much as I should, because it’s a major part of my story and where a lot of my trauma comes from.
The most pivotal time in my life and what ultimately shaped my future.
This was our house.
Mine, my dad’s and his ex-girlfriend’s.
It wasn’t even a house.
It was a one room (like, literally one room for the beds/living/kitchen, uninsulated cabin that didn’t have hot water and only a wood stove in the center for heat.
I remember for the first 6 months there, I slept on this tiny little corner piece of an old sectional couch (the rest of the couch was missing) and had NO privacy aside from a dainty little swinging door for the bathroom.
Eventually, we hung up sheets to divide the two bed spaces from the kitchen and miraculously, I was given a futon that I couldn’t even fold down because there just wasn’t enough space.
I was 12/13. My mom was a couple hundred miles away recovering from a life-saving liver transplant, and my dad and his ex-girlfriend were deep into their alcoholism and drug use.
I only got to bathe twice a week because we couldn’t afford enough propane for any more than that.
Sometimes dinner was great, but when the food stamps ran out, I lived on Top Ramen, boxed cake batter and school lunches.
Days weren’t bad, but when the night would come.. life got real dark. Their fighting would start. If I made a peep, or even went to the bathroom, I would end up in the crosshairs; no one believed me. No one except for my new best friend’s family, and they would often rescue me.
They actually ended up becoming my foster family after a night getting so out of control that I became more scarred inside than my dad’s arms; taking a box cutter to them, trying to end his life right in front of me, then ultimately tried to kill me and his girlfriend— which he will still never admit to.
Before that, I thought it was rough when he’d go into alcoholic neuropathy and drop to the floor at my feet, go unconscious and have me do CPR with 911 on the line.
The only thing I miss about this tiny ghost town is my dog, Mudd. She was my happy in this place. 💖